When It's Not All Merry & Bright: Finding Warmth In Winter

"It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year!"

Or so they say. I'm sure we all have a plethora of magical memories of Decembers we'll remember for years to come. From tearing open gifts, attending holiday parties, eating feasts fit for kings, and fun in the snow, (well, at least for those of us in the north), this time of the year definitely came with its moments of excitement and joy. But what happens when the lights aren't as twinkly and the hot coco ain't hitting like it used to? When it seems like the holiday spirit missed you?

 

See, on the other side of the bright lights is a dark underbelly that also exists, and is alive and strong this time of year. Cases of depression and anxiety spike as well as suicide. My hope is that the following tips help get you or a loved one through what could be a dark time during the season of merry and bright.

Here are a few common things that may be damping the holiday cheer this year, and what can be done to ease the suffering:

Low Funds

This is a big one for many people. As I alluded to in my Halloween Memoir article, one of the reasons why I thought it was the best holiday was because of its "low-cost, no cost" way to participate. Though you may not be able to get away with not spending any money at all, here are some ways to spare your wallet a bit:

• DIY, Dollar Store, or skip decor all together, especially if there are no children in the home. Hubby and I haven't put up a tree in years and I make a lot of our decor (paper snowflakes) or buy them for very cheap.
• Shop sale only. 
• Secret Santa! That way everyone gets a gift, while each person only needs to purchase one!
  
• Focus on value and thoughtfulness rather than expense or popularity. People really appreciate gifts they felt were personalized for them, even if it didn't cost much.
• Breakout your crafting and baking skills! Homemade candles, cards, artwork, treats, and baked goods definitely make awesome gifts. They also give that more personalized feel that many often enjoy and appreciate.
• Make meals that are cheap and filling, such as pasta and casserole dishes. Pork, chicken, and ground meats are usually cheap.
  
• Skip the meat altogether and just make vegetarian meals.

Single and NOT Happy About It

Contrary to popular belief, it is perfectly fine to be unhappy and unsatisfied with the single life. Countless studies have been conducted and shone that the strength of a person's social and romantic relationships greatly impacted long-term happiness and fulfillment. In addition to increased happiness and fulfillment, people with strong social ties live longer, are less likely to commit crimes, and cause harm to themselves or others. Humans are designed to eventually partner up with someone, and these romantic relationships serve as the building blocks to our families and households. Therefore you are not weak, desperate, or some sort of weirdo because you'd rather be booed up under the mistletoe. You are human.

 

If not in time for this year, here's how you can increase your odds for love next year:

• Skip the holiday feasts and implement an exercise and diet regiment instead. You'll look and feel better and may catch the eye of someone special.
• Be more social. Make an effort to attend various social events and gatherings. Go to places where you can dress up and be seen. Smile often and don't be afraid to speak and make the first move.
• Put some feelers out there. Make it known to family, friends, and associates that you are single and looking. Someone in your circle may be able to introduce you to someone OR you may discover that someone you already know is interested themselves! Happened to me before!~ 

First Holiday Season Without a Loved One

 

Now this one is tough and one that I've personally experienced. It's definitely something that takes time to get used to depending on the person you've lost. It's okay to be sad and even shed a few tears, but I'm here to tell you it does get easier. In the meantime, here are some ways to honor the memory of those no longer with us and cope with their loss:

• Set up an alter or space in the home or at the table for your late loved one.
• Give a toast or say a prayer in their honor.
• Serve their favorite meal or beverage.
• Play one of their favorite songs.
• Talk to trusted confidants about what you are feeling
• Seek therapy
• Forgo holiday festivities and take time to heal
• Ask for help when you need it 
• Partake in healing and stress relieving activities such as walks, hikes, yoga, and meditations
• Attend spiritual services

Familial Estrangement/Parental Alienation 

 

This is yet another difficult and complex situation to be in during this time of the year. Many of the year-end holidays and celebrations have family at their center. Thus, when one's family is fragmented, displaced, or access is being denied, it can be particularly hard to be in a joyous spirit. Some of us live far away or are estranged from our families for a variety of reasons, including deep differences in beliefs, lifestyles, and values or to escape toxic environments, abuse, and poor quality of life on the more extreme end. 

 

As for parental alienation, I personally know a few people that have been dealing with it for years and it kills their holiday season every single time. As divorce and single parenthood are common occurrences in today's society, tug-of-war of where the children get to spend the holidays is fought often. There are no easy answers or fixes to these very delicate situations. Nonetheless here are a few suggestions and understandings:

• Sometimes our "chosen family" in the form of friends, lovers, etc. can prove to be more fulfilling and beneficial than the one we were born with. Find your tribe.
  
• Mend the bonds you can, and move on from the ones you can't.
• Send gifts and cards. Even though you can't be there, your presence will be felt. Keep receipts and copies.
• Take care of yourself and be mindful of your mental state.
• Seek professional help in form of family consulting, therapy, and intervention
• Seek the advice of law professionals
• Love your children more than you hate your ex. Causing unnecessary harm to them will indirectly cause harm to your children. 
• Children will eventually grow up. Then they will discover the truth about their parents, for better or worse.
• You cannot control what another person chooses to do. You can only choose how you react.

As we navigate the intricate tapestry of the human experience, it's essential to remember that the holiday season, with all its complexities, is an opportunity for growth, compassion, and renewal. In acknowledging the struggles faced by many, we build a bridge to understanding and unity. By extending a hand to those in need, fostering connections, and embracing the spirit of resilience, we collectively contribute to a brighter and more compassionate holiday season for all. In the midst of challenges, let hope be the guiding light that illuminates the path toward a more inclusive and uplifting celebration of the human spirit.

 

❄Happy Holidays🎄

 

Disclaimer:

 We at Charming Cooking are not licensed life coaches, therapist, or console. If you are dealing with extreme circumstance, please contact professional assistance. We can not guarantee the outcomes of the suggestions made on this page.Take advice at your own risk and discretion.

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